A Recap of 2019: GROW
It's been quite awhile since I have published anything onto my blog, but I figured it was time to come back and share my heart, because I feel the Lord is prompting me to do so. This blog post is much different than any of my others, because it's a lot more personal, vulnerable, and a little scattered. I pray that the Lord makes Himself known in some way through this post as I pour my heart out and talk about my time away from Gracefully Broken. This is just a glimpse into my year of growth.
In January of 2019, I prayed about what word I would pick for the year. I always ask the Lord to reveal to me an area of life that I could develop in, so I can become more like Him and further His Kingdom! After lots of prayer, I chose the word "grow" to be my theme for the year, having no idea what God was going to do with it. 2 Peter 3:18 was the verse that paired with my word of the year, which says "but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."
After making "grow" my theme of the year, I quickly began to experience life changes that were certainly not expected. I fell in love with many things, learned what it is like to become passionate about something, I understood the importance of maturity, and realized that growing up isn't as exciting as I once thought it would be.
To begin, I was cast as the lead role in my school musical. What a way to finish out my high school career! I am still so thankful for this opportunity as I was able to grow to become more confident and I found something I truly loved, theatre. I met some amazing people who became great friends, and had an outlet that I felt I actually belonged in. This later led to auditioning for another musical over the summer where I was cast, and grew to love musical theatre even more. These were certainly highlights of my year, and I praise the Lord for giving me gifts necessary to be granted these opportunities!
Next up was my certified nursing assistant journey. I completed this course my senior year, which included clinicals, exams, lots of studying and flashcards, and growing closer/building relationships with my classmates. In this class, I really fell in love with nursing. There were many days that I was anxious about being able to receive my certification, but when March came around, it was all worth it when I walked out of the school one day as a CNA. I officially decided over the course of my senior year that nursing is something I truly want to pursue and have since been studying to get into a nursing program.
In May of 2019, I finally walked across the stage and received my high school diploma. What a milestone this was for me. I sobbed the entire ceremony, no joke. I think it was because I was experiencing a lot of emotions all at once. I was excited for what was to come, scared about "adulting," sad to leave a place that held lots of my memories, happy to begin studying something I was passionate about, and overwhelmed by all of the decisions I knew I would soon face. May was a good month of growth and changes. Wow it was busy! On top of the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing, the Lord really began to prepare my heart for some big things He had planned for me.
In the summer of 2019, I began to endure one of the hardest seasons of my life. I experienced a spiritual warfare like never before, and was truly tested beyond what I thought I could handle. It was a rocky few months with so many tears, prayers, and questioning. I went through hurt that seemed unbearable, all because of the enemy, who was trying to get in the middle of and destroy my relationship with Christ. It was hard for me to understand how I could be so earnestly seeking the Lord and submitting to His will, and be faced with so many negative situations. For a time, I really struggled to find my worth in Christ, I started to burn out because I wanted to make everyone happy all the time (which is impossible, by the way), I lost several friendships/relationships, and I struggled with understanding what my purpose was. Instead of giving up and giving in to the enemy, I chose stand on the promises of Jesus and to grow through what I was going through.
Unfortunately in several areas of my life, my main struggle (as mentioned above) was making the choice between pleasing and following people, or pleasing and following God. Sometimes, it is possible to do both, but that was not the case in my life at the time. This was difficult for me because I am someone that does not like to hurt anyone’s feelings. However, I know that one day I will stand accountable to God, not man. If I am not surrendering to His call and His will, doing everything I can to please Him and bring Him glory, then I am failing as a Christian.
Therefore, I strived to fight the good fight—the one I knew was worth fighting, all for the glory of God. The only way I was able to mature through this battle of spiritual powers was by the grace of God. Yes, it was a difficult season, but I knew from the beginning that I was completely sold out to Christ. Today, as I look back on the summer, I am so grateful that I went through these trials, as it produced steadfastness in my life and helped me grow spiritually—in a tremendous way. James 1:2-3 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." In the moments I would feel defeated, this verse was a hard pill to swallow, but it was something I clung to despite what my flesh felt.
In the fall of 2019, I began my first semester as a full time college student. The enemy was still hard at work against me. I tried to practice persistence and put on the armor of God daily (Ephesians 6:10-18), but it was not an easy task. To refer to it as a "trying time" would be an understatement. I failed to always be positive and joyful, I felt like I was out of energy, and my compassion and love for others was beginning to run dry. I knew this was caused by the spiritual battle, and I needed to buckle up and fight harder against it, except I could only do that by tapping into God's power and might. If I continued to move forward and fight without pressing into Him and allowing Him to take the reins, I certainly would not have made it very far.
College started out rough. People would often ask me how things were going, and my typical response was "it's much harder than I thought it would be, but I am enjoying it." I loved being out of my typical high school routine, as I was able to start experiencing some freedom, if that's what you want to call it. I was really beginning to get a taste of responsibility and started to learn what healthy time management habits and balancing school, work, church, and social life looked like. I was so excited to finally be entering a new chapter of life, even if it was more difficult than I expected it to be. After I got in the swing of things, adjusted to my schedule, grew closer to my true friends, and practiced daily surrender to God’s will, things finally started to look up for the first time in a long time.
So much happened from September to December that I'm not sure I can even find the words to sum it all up, but I’ll attempt it. Basically, my life was in a completely different place than it was a year before, as I had gotten my relationship right with the Lord, began actively and relentlessly pursuing Him, and fought through spiritual warfare in many different areas of my life. In these seemingly lengthy four months, I learned that His plan for my life is much different from what I could ever imagine and I am so grateful. I've had to go through a lot to realize that I am not in control (which is a good thing), and when I accept that reality and surrender everything over to God, He always proves to be faithful. Especially when things I once hoped for turn out to be so wrong for my growth as a Christ follower.
Also, I guess I can plug in some fun and random things that happened from September-December that helped make my 2019: I survived my first semester of college and passed all of my classes, praise the Lord! My best friend of five years got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor. I went to lots of my brother's football games, go #7! I took a couple of beach trips and was always awestruck by the beauty of God's handiwork. I co-led my first Bible Study for youth girls. I got my first tattoo (the post about that is already live on the blog). I found that alone time is extremely helpful to my mental and spiritual state. I visited my grandparents and cousins quite frequently. I celebrated my last birthday as a "teenager." I embarrassed myself a lot. I sang some new songs in worship. I worked many hours. I went to my first ever concert, and bought tickets to another concert the day after. I went to, and hosted, Friendsgiving and Christmas parties with friends. I learned that God can really use seasons of singleness for good. I found a new appreciation for mint chocolate chip ice cream, and extra shots of espresso in my coffee. But most importantly, I learned to let go of people and things that hold me back and stunt my spiritual growth, and to submit to His will, despite the persecution and hardships that may come.
2019 was easily one of the hardest years of my life. I went through a lot spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. But I grew in all of those areas, which was the goal of my year. Today, I can say that I am so thankful for every single day of 2019 because the Lord revealed Himself to me in a new light. I experienced His sovereignty, love, faithfulness, mercy, and justice in clear ways everyday. I have grown to have a more intimate relationship with Him, and I pray it continues to deepen. Oh how sweet it is to know the heart of the Father a little better with each passing day. My Savior has been so good to me. I am blessed to have the breath in my lungs and the words in my heart to speak out for His glory, which is why I have decided to come back to Gracefully Broken. Looking back, I now realize that He allowed me to go through all the trials of 2019 so that I could know Him more, be stretched out of my comfort zone for my good and His glory, understand the significance of putting all of my trust in Him, and share a little bit of my story. I can only pray that 2020 will be half as beautiful as 2019 has been, even in the seemingly "ugly" days. May it be the year I continuously learn to forgive, to surrender, to let go, and let God.
In January of 2019, I prayed about what word I would pick for the year. I always ask the Lord to reveal to me an area of life that I could develop in, so I can become more like Him and further His Kingdom! After lots of prayer, I chose the word "grow" to be my theme for the year, having no idea what God was going to do with it. 2 Peter 3:18 was the verse that paired with my word of the year, which says "but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."
After making "grow" my theme of the year, I quickly began to experience life changes that were certainly not expected. I fell in love with many things, learned what it is like to become passionate about something, I understood the importance of maturity, and realized that growing up isn't as exciting as I once thought it would be.
To begin, I was cast as the lead role in my school musical. What a way to finish out my high school career! I am still so thankful for this opportunity as I was able to grow to become more confident and I found something I truly loved, theatre. I met some amazing people who became great friends, and had an outlet that I felt I actually belonged in. This later led to auditioning for another musical over the summer where I was cast, and grew to love musical theatre even more. These were certainly highlights of my year, and I praise the Lord for giving me gifts necessary to be granted these opportunities!
Next up was my certified nursing assistant journey. I completed this course my senior year, which included clinicals, exams, lots of studying and flashcards, and growing closer/building relationships with my classmates. In this class, I really fell in love with nursing. There were many days that I was anxious about being able to receive my certification, but when March came around, it was all worth it when I walked out of the school one day as a CNA. I officially decided over the course of my senior year that nursing is something I truly want to pursue and have since been studying to get into a nursing program.
In May of 2019, I finally walked across the stage and received my high school diploma. What a milestone this was for me. I sobbed the entire ceremony, no joke. I think it was because I was experiencing a lot of emotions all at once. I was excited for what was to come, scared about "adulting," sad to leave a place that held lots of my memories, happy to begin studying something I was passionate about, and overwhelmed by all of the decisions I knew I would soon face. May was a good month of growth and changes. Wow it was busy! On top of the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing, the Lord really began to prepare my heart for some big things He had planned for me.
In the summer of 2019, I began to endure one of the hardest seasons of my life. I experienced a spiritual warfare like never before, and was truly tested beyond what I thought I could handle. It was a rocky few months with so many tears, prayers, and questioning. I went through hurt that seemed unbearable, all because of the enemy, who was trying to get in the middle of and destroy my relationship with Christ. It was hard for me to understand how I could be so earnestly seeking the Lord and submitting to His will, and be faced with so many negative situations. For a time, I really struggled to find my worth in Christ, I started to burn out because I wanted to make everyone happy all the time (which is impossible, by the way), I lost several friendships/relationships, and I struggled with understanding what my purpose was. Instead of giving up and giving in to the enemy, I chose stand on the promises of Jesus and to grow through what I was going through.
Unfortunately in several areas of my life, my main struggle (as mentioned above) was making the choice between pleasing and following people, or pleasing and following God. Sometimes, it is possible to do both, but that was not the case in my life at the time. This was difficult for me because I am someone that does not like to hurt anyone’s feelings. However, I know that one day I will stand accountable to God, not man. If I am not surrendering to His call and His will, doing everything I can to please Him and bring Him glory, then I am failing as a Christian.
Therefore, I strived to fight the good fight—the one I knew was worth fighting, all for the glory of God. The only way I was able to mature through this battle of spiritual powers was by the grace of God. Yes, it was a difficult season, but I knew from the beginning that I was completely sold out to Christ. Today, as I look back on the summer, I am so grateful that I went through these trials, as it produced steadfastness in my life and helped me grow spiritually—in a tremendous way. James 1:2-3 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." In the moments I would feel defeated, this verse was a hard pill to swallow, but it was something I clung to despite what my flesh felt.
In the fall of 2019, I began my first semester as a full time college student. The enemy was still hard at work against me. I tried to practice persistence and put on the armor of God daily (Ephesians 6:10-18), but it was not an easy task. To refer to it as a "trying time" would be an understatement. I failed to always be positive and joyful, I felt like I was out of energy, and my compassion and love for others was beginning to run dry. I knew this was caused by the spiritual battle, and I needed to buckle up and fight harder against it, except I could only do that by tapping into God's power and might. If I continued to move forward and fight without pressing into Him and allowing Him to take the reins, I certainly would not have made it very far.
College started out rough. People would often ask me how things were going, and my typical response was "it's much harder than I thought it would be, but I am enjoying it." I loved being out of my typical high school routine, as I was able to start experiencing some freedom, if that's what you want to call it. I was really beginning to get a taste of responsibility and started to learn what healthy time management habits and balancing school, work, church, and social life looked like. I was so excited to finally be entering a new chapter of life, even if it was more difficult than I expected it to be. After I got in the swing of things, adjusted to my schedule, grew closer to my true friends, and practiced daily surrender to God’s will, things finally started to look up for the first time in a long time.
So much happened from September to December that I'm not sure I can even find the words to sum it all up, but I’ll attempt it. Basically, my life was in a completely different place than it was a year before, as I had gotten my relationship right with the Lord, began actively and relentlessly pursuing Him, and fought through spiritual warfare in many different areas of my life. In these seemingly lengthy four months, I learned that His plan for my life is much different from what I could ever imagine and I am so grateful. I've had to go through a lot to realize that I am not in control (which is a good thing), and when I accept that reality and surrender everything over to God, He always proves to be faithful. Especially when things I once hoped for turn out to be so wrong for my growth as a Christ follower.
Also, I guess I can plug in some fun and random things that happened from September-December that helped make my 2019: I survived my first semester of college and passed all of my classes, praise the Lord! My best friend of five years got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor. I went to lots of my brother's football games, go #7! I took a couple of beach trips and was always awestruck by the beauty of God's handiwork. I co-led my first Bible Study for youth girls. I got my first tattoo (the post about that is already live on the blog). I found that alone time is extremely helpful to my mental and spiritual state. I visited my grandparents and cousins quite frequently. I celebrated my last birthday as a "teenager." I embarrassed myself a lot. I sang some new songs in worship. I worked many hours. I went to my first ever concert, and bought tickets to another concert the day after. I went to, and hosted, Friendsgiving and Christmas parties with friends. I learned that God can really use seasons of singleness for good. I found a new appreciation for mint chocolate chip ice cream, and extra shots of espresso in my coffee. But most importantly, I learned to let go of people and things that hold me back and stunt my spiritual growth, and to submit to His will, despite the persecution and hardships that may come.
2019 was easily one of the hardest years of my life. I went through a lot spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. But I grew in all of those areas, which was the goal of my year. Today, I can say that I am so thankful for every single day of 2019 because the Lord revealed Himself to me in a new light. I experienced His sovereignty, love, faithfulness, mercy, and justice in clear ways everyday. I have grown to have a more intimate relationship with Him, and I pray it continues to deepen. Oh how sweet it is to know the heart of the Father a little better with each passing day. My Savior has been so good to me. I am blessed to have the breath in my lungs and the words in my heart to speak out for His glory, which is why I have decided to come back to Gracefully Broken. Looking back, I now realize that He allowed me to go through all the trials of 2019 so that I could know Him more, be stretched out of my comfort zone for my good and His glory, understand the significance of putting all of my trust in Him, and share a little bit of my story. I can only pray that 2020 will be half as beautiful as 2019 has been, even in the seemingly "ugly" days. May it be the year I continuously learn to forgive, to surrender, to let go, and let God.
Just beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart!
ReplyDeleteYou will forever be known to me as "Amazing Grace"! You have many gifts and talents all ready and I know God will keep giving you even more as you use the gifts he has given you (like the parable of the talents). I love that you have a word and a scripture to support it to meditate on each year. I do the same thing. My scripture for this year is Job 5:9 "He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted". I relate that to our new adventure with Cross Church! 2019 was Psalm 91:4 "He will cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you will take refuge. His truth shall be your shield and buckler." During the hard times in 2019 I imagined myself snuggling into the safeness and softness of His feathers and being safe from the enemy as He closed His wings over me. Bless you darling girl. You are truly amazing!
ReplyDeleteThank You so much for sharing, I cannot begin to tell you how much your words and past year experience have lifted me up today. You are truly God's example that wisdom and maturity are not measured in years. I am Grateful and Blessed, to have you as a Sister in Christ and also as a friend, I very much look forward to your next post.
ReplyDelete